Helping children cope with grief.
Children & Loss
Why These Children Need Help
King County
There is a tremendous need for grief counseling services ifor children in the King County are. Nationwide, approximately 1 in 20 children will experience the loss of a parent before they reach the age of 18.(i)
Bereaved children who lose a loved on are at a greater risk for symptoms of depression, withdrawal, anxiety, conduct problems and lower self-esteem. A recent Havard University study found that 19% of children show serious problems at one year, and 21% at two years after the death of a parent.(ii)
Applying these averages to the 2000 census population statistics for the King County area, we find the following:
- Out of our popluation of 390,832 children,(iii) over 19,500 King County children will be affected by the death of a parent before they reach the age of 18.
- While all of these children will be profoundly affected by the loss of a parent, over 3,700 of these children will show serious problems at one year, and over 4.100 will show serious problems at two years; and
- Over 124 children in King County died last year, leaving an additional number of bereaved parents, siblings and childhood friends.(iv)
(i) U.S. Census Bureau, 1990.
(ii) Worden, J.W., & Silverman, P.R. (1996). Parental death and the adjustment of school-age children. Omega, 33, 91-102
(iii) King County Population Statistics, 2000.
(iv) King County Medical Examiner's Office - 2003 Annual Report.
Children and Loss
The loss of a parent is a profound psychological trauma for a child. Losing a sibling or other loved-one can also be very traumatic. Such events can lead to serious social and emotional developmental problems. Young children invest almost all of their emotional energy in their families, particularly their parents. With the death of a parent or sibling, a child's world is turned upside down.
Young children may view death as something that can "come and get you" or as a contagious condition. Often there is a feeling of guilt. Older children often worry about what this will mean for the family economically and how their lives will change. Difficulty concentrating in school and completing assignments is common; often these children are concerned about how to grieve and still fit in with their friends in school. Often there is a physical as well as a psychological toll with a higher susceptibility to illnesses and ailments such as headaches and stomach problems. For teens, there are particular risks of depression and anger. Also, teens may seek to escape their pain and grief by engaging in high-risk behaviors such as alcohol and drugs, reckless sexual activity, or driving dangerously.
The dangers to children when they experience such a loss can be greatly diminished by a program like Safe Crossings. Even when children are very young, they often feel that they are burdening their parents when they talk about their feelings. The Safe Crossings counselor is someone with whom it's okay to talk. She's there to listen and to help the child express the pain. We help a child decide how to say goodbye. These children are guided and supported by a trained counselor at a time when other family members are themselves grieving and struggling to cope. Surviving parents can learn that children will experience their loss differently depending upon developmental stages, and that, for younger children, this often will mean a delayed grief reaction. Parents learn what behavior is normal and how to be supportive. Through grieving groups, children can learn to express their sadness and to rediscover their childhood. Older children and teens often long for someone outside of the family with whom they can talk. They find in their Safe Crossings counselor the support and guidance to see them through this difficult transition so that they can go on with their lives.