Helping children cope with grief.
Client Stories
The Sayyid Family
The Sayyid family (all names and identifying information have been changed for confidentiality reasons) was referred to Safe Crossings by a Providence Hospice of Seattle care team. Mr. Sayyid, 59, was in the end-of-life stages of liver cancer when the Safe Crossings counselors began working with this family.
The Sayyid-family members are war refugees from East Africa. Mr. Sayyid, his wife and 5 teenage boys had recently been sponsored to come to Seattle after 10 years living in Cairo. The family is Somali, speak Somali and can read and write some English, although they are just learning to speak English. Mr. Sayyid has survived a number of extremely violent situations, including being nearly beaten to death in Somalia. During the four months of our work he progressively became thinner, until our last visit, when he was quite emaciated and weak, but still able to talk with us.
There are 5 teenage Sayyid boys ranging in age from 18 to 12. Three attend the local high-school, two are in the middle school. All attend mostly ESL classes, with other classes being added as their English improves.
One of the ways Safe Crossings helps families is to talk about and help with their most immediate concerns, as defined by the family. One concern was about the boys’ education. Mr. Sayyid related that he sacrificed everything to get his family here so that the children could go to school and make a brighter future for his family. In order to support the kids, after gaining specific permission from the family, we made contact with both schools the boys attend – an ESL teacher in one and a counselor in the other. We informed them of the situation at home and gave them information regarding normal grief responses that they might be observing in these teenagers. We also conducted an in-service for all the boys’ high school teachers, regarding grief responses and the stresses on the Sayyid boys. The teachers told us that these discussions were very helpful, and relieved some of their anxieties in working with the Sayyid boys.
At the boys’ middle school, we led a 6-week grief support group in which the boys participated along with other kids who are experiencing a loss, or have experienced a loss. All of the kids and the Safe Crossings counselor-facilitator brainstormed together about how best to support the youngest who was struggling not to get into fights. His next second oldest brother was able to model behavior for the youngest, about how to avoid fighting and teasing.
During these months, the boys reported to us that they felt much more comfortable at school. They have identified teachers who are their allies, they know more clearly what the consequences are of their actions, and they have begun to make friends. Their English is rapidly improving, reducing their stress as they are able to communicate more effectively with teachers and fellow students. Two of the boys are now on the wrestling team and the others report feeling better supported by their teachers to learn and succeed. The parents have described feeling a great sense of relief knowing they are more supported and this worry, although continuing, is much decreased.
We have visited the Sayyid family following his death. On the first visit, we brought some poetry and stories, both from a Somali poet, and the parable of the mustard seed, where a woman goes searching for a house which has not experienced sorrow. She finds that each house has been touched by sorrow and that she acquires gifts along the way: strength, forgiveness, love, compassion. Mrs. Sayyid was quite touched by this story, describing how important it was for her to remember how everyone experiences difficult times in their lives, including death. Each of the boys, and their mother, has been able to talk about their final moments with Mr. Sayyid, and his wishes for them and their future.